I'm the next J.K. Rowling (NOT)!

Ever since I found out that The Hunger Games and Divergent were each about 100,000 words, I have become obsessed with the idea that my book must be that long, to ever be even remotely successful. Ever since I've finished my first draft (there is still a long way to go, of course), thoughts like these have been seeping into my brain: 

"Successful, huh? Teenagers don't write stuff that's worth reading. No one's ever going to read your book and like it, Avon. Come on. No one your age has the mental capacity to write something that's even WORTH reading."

I'm not planning on getting my book published, as in 'on the shelf at Barnes and Noble' published, but I do want to eBook publish it. Once I reach that milestone, which may take either a couple of months or a couple of years to complete (hopefully a couple of months), I will seriously consider trying to get it properly published. I am fully aware of how long and dreary that process is, and I'm aware that, if I DO get my manuscript published, it will have to be a freakin' good book. And I mean, A FREAKIN' GOOD BOOK. 

Down in the dumps about your manuscript? Here are some ways to feel better. 

1. Have a cup of tea. And relax. 

Try to do something fun, and forget about your book for awhile. Don't touch the document for a week, and instead do something else. Maybe write on your blog. Or write an essay for that creative writing contest you've been planning on competing in. Get out of that 'book' mindset and focus on another type of writing. 

2. Read a book. 

Avid readers tend to be good writers. And good writers tend to be appreciative readers. Pick up a good book (I'd suggest John Green's The Fault in Our Starts or Lynne Rae Perkins' Criss Cross). Since writers tend to understand and appreciate the troubles and toils of writing, you're more likely to appreciate all the little 'gems' inside other authors' books. 

3. Look at a criticism. Good criticism. 

If you're feeling awful about your book, open up that e-mail your last year's literature teacher sent you about how amazing your manuscript is. Or re-read a couple of your favorite essays from last year. 

4. When you come back to working on your manuscript, be proud. 

Not many teenagers can write a book. So be proud of that. But remember, very very very very very few teenagers can write a GOOD book. So become one of those teenagers that can. The reason WHY adults are skeptical of teen writing is because they know that few teenagers can write something GOOD. So prove them wrong. Focus on being J.K. Rowling. It may never happen, but it's worth the effort, right? 

"I won't grow up"

The thought of getting older (from a child's--well, my-- point of view):

When I was young I always imagined that when I reached the wonderful self-fulfilling age of eighteen, I would become an adult.
And yes, when I do reach that age, I will be an adult.
But I won't feel like one.

I have realized that the day I've always been waiting for will never come. The day when I can be as arrogant and obnoxious as I want and still get away with it. The day when I'll be sure about everything and will have complete control over my life and there will be no more insecurities and I will be the bravest person on the planet. The day when I'll wake up and say, 'Whoo-hoo! I'm a grown-up!'

Sometimes I feel like I am still five years old. Sure, I may be smarter and taller and uglier (*cough* somewhat partial sarcasm *cough*) than when I was five, but I don't feel that way.

Maybe it's because the changes happen so slowly that you don't notice them. It's not like one night your four-year-old self falls asleep while snuggling a stuffed bear and then wakes up, puts on a tie and a suit, and goes to work in a cubicle in downtown Manhattan.

Our bodies change and our minds change, but the super sub-conscious doesn't notice all the change going all around it because it's stuck in its little hobbit-hole. So by the time we're adults the super sub-conscious suddenly wakes up, takes a peek outside, and says, "What just happened here?!"

And it's sad and upset that it missed the train ride. And it's sad and upset that life is still boring and a bit scary and those insecurities are still there and there is still so little control and what did you say about being brave?

But that's okay, because there are a lot of people who missed the train, too.

The last thing I have to say? Peter Pan, you were wrong. You were so, so wrong.
Growing up? Pshah. There's no such thing.